I’ve compiled a list on how to love yourself for readers who are facing difficulty knowing what to do in boosting their own self esteem. When I first began to be aware that I need to love myself first, before I can develop any meaningful relationships with others, I realised that I did not know where to start.
This was a surprise to me then as I would have thought I’d be an expert on love and relationships by then. After all, as I recalled, in my younger days, I’ve spent much time looking for the best spouse or romantic partner. But I soon realised that my search was meant to fill the void or emptiness I had inside. Finding a good relationship with myself seemed to be an even harder task! However, as things turned out, I realised that I failed miserably in my early relationships because I had insufficient or little self love.
If you’ve suffered from low self esteem, then it goes to show that you are lacking in self love. You may even find it difficult to even search your heart for that little bit of love you have for yourself. I dare say that your mind has been so ingrained with self sabotaging thoughts for the longest time, that loving yourself sounds unnatural to you.
However, nothing is going to happen if you do not make a conscious decision. And that includes Attracting Abundance. When you don’t love yourself, you are basically telling the Universe that you are unworthy or undeserving of any love or positive outcomes that have the same vibrational match as love.
Learning to love yourself starts with making a conscious decision, an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. When you do not love yourself and suffer from low self esteem, you can find that it impossible to ever reach the potential that you suspect you have.
“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.”Lucille Ball quotes (American radio and motion-picture actress and comedy star, 1911-1989)
When you make a decision to love yourself, you are really saying that you want to come alive. You accept that you are responsible for the outcomes that you experience in your life and would like yourself to shine from living a fulfilling life.
So if you’ve decided on loving yourself but are as equally stumped on how to love yourself, as I was back then, here are 17 ways which I believe can be helpful:
1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not meant that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself for all your flaws. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)
2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes. If you find that you criticise yourself often, make an effort to stop the self criticism.
“I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ.” — unknown
3. Be Kind And Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows. Make it a habit to praise yourself everyday, while in the front of the mirror. Because of such thoughts, you naturally undertake empowering actions that support your development.
4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It’s not always about winning or having success in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you’ve done your best, even if you have failed to produce tangible results.
Bring Your Dreams to Life!
5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. I can attest to that! Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help in the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then ask the Universe for your desired outcome and let things work out on their own.
Things will come to be, if they are meant to be.
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus quotes (Greek philosopher associated with the Stoics, AD 55-c.135)
6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it. You can also support yourself by visualizing desired outcomes.
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”Benjamin Spock quotes (American Pediatrician and Author, 1903-1998)
7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them. Or if you’ve been carrying around a baggage of emotional hurt because of a childhood trauma, learn to forgive yourself that it is not your fault.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”Lewis B. Smedes quotes
8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are. And as we all know, thoughts can be changed, so that healing and self growth can take place.
9. Grow Spiritually. When you spend time growing spiritually, loving yourself is an automatic thing. You become more peaceful, connected, kind, loving and compassionate. You nurture a mind that grows more beautiful by the day. How to not love yourself in the process?
10. Make Positive Affirmations Everyday. Post affirmations that can help raise your self esteem everyday. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day.
11. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.
Bring Your Dreams to Life!
12. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. —Mark Twain
13. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your sense of Self. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.
14. Relax. You need to give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul.
15. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.
16. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”Jim Rohn quotes (American Speaker and Author. He is famous for motivational audio programs for Business and Life. )
17. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in every thing, you will also see beauty in yourself. Hence, stop to smell the flowers. Notice everything. Feel everything. The pink blush of the flowers in your garden, the greeness of the plains, the whisper of the gentle wind, or the myraid hues of an evening sky.
Here is a good affirmation to read and reflect on…..
“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
James Boehm
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
How Much Love Can We Really Stand?
Increasing your capacity for Love…How much love can we stand? You know its funny how we don’t always seek to find more of what’s good for us, what grows us spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Along with Gratitude Love is one of the most acceptable matches to the Universal Law of attraction, an emotion most likely to bring you into alignment with the universe or to create a vibrational match. We all know that when aligned with the Universe we are postured to receive, so creating that alignment is imperative to our success, or ability to receive which are one and the same. Yet we don’t always search for ways to increase or amplify our vibration through love, more often than not we choose to do this through Gratitude, when an abundance of Love is available in every moment, no matter how bad things may get, as long as we are present to receive it.
I don’t think that giving and receiving are things that just happen. I believe that these are occurrences that we create, and we do that through our own actions or through application. One way to receive more of that which will create perfect alignment is to choose a quiet place and focus on your natural breathing rhythm. With each inhale, imagine that you are taking in all the Love of the Universe directly into your own heart. With each exhale imagine sending all that Love directly from your own heart right back to its infinite source… Breath in Love…Breath out Love. If you practice this heart meditation for just a few weeks you will find that not only does your capacity for love grow by leaps and bounds but you are creating a more acceptable state of alignment with the Universe, and with that alignment you are creating the ability to receive. Breathing in is receiving, and breathing out is giving, and we all know that in order to receive we have to give. 2010 is underway and this is a year of great change, I think we all sense that enormous change is going to occur, and I believe that there is also an opportunity for personal and spiritual change as well.
The answer to the question how much love can we stand? Are questions we have to ask ourselves…How much change can we stand? How much can we stand to receive? How much success is enough? And that list goes on and on. Practical application of giving and receiving Love, and creating perfect alignment with the Universe is breathing Love in, and breathing it out…giving and receiving that which in itself is one of the most sought after vibrational matches we can achieve.
James Boehm
I don’t think that giving and receiving are things that just happen. I believe that these are occurrences that we create, and we do that through our own actions or through application. One way to receive more of that which will create perfect alignment is to choose a quiet place and focus on your natural breathing rhythm. With each inhale, imagine that you are taking in all the Love of the Universe directly into your own heart. With each exhale imagine sending all that Love directly from your own heart right back to its infinite source… Breath in Love…Breath out Love. If you practice this heart meditation for just a few weeks you will find that not only does your capacity for love grow by leaps and bounds but you are creating a more acceptable state of alignment with the Universe, and with that alignment you are creating the ability to receive. Breathing in is receiving, and breathing out is giving, and we all know that in order to receive we have to give. 2010 is underway and this is a year of great change, I think we all sense that enormous change is going to occur, and I believe that there is also an opportunity for personal and spiritual change as well.
The answer to the question how much love can we stand? Are questions we have to ask ourselves…How much change can we stand? How much can we stand to receive? How much success is enough? And that list goes on and on. Practical application of giving and receiving Love, and creating perfect alignment with the Universe is breathing Love in, and breathing it out…giving and receiving that which in itself is one of the most sought after vibrational matches we can achieve.
James Boehm
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Love Yourself First
The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Yet, how often have you heard yourself say, "I am my own worst enemy"? If your goals involve raising your confidence, ending depression, moving beyond diets or overeating behaviors, or just plain wanting to live a happier, fulfilled life, you have to know what self-love looks like. Learn how to define self-love and then how to bring it into your own life!
Oscar Wilde once stated, "To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." Love is a mystery and not easily definable. However, it does have certain characteristics. Self-love is a consuming passion for your own happiness. It is an ongoing choice you make to be glad to alive, here on Earth, in your own body.
Self-love occurs when you decide who you are and what you want is important. It is an inner state of being which develops as you decide it is all right to build a kind, sensuous, and meaningful partnership with your self. Self-love involves deciding to connect with your dreams and then supporting yourself with encouraging thoughts and empowering self-supportive actions.
Defining Self-LoveSelf-love is not so much a feeling as it is a decrease of self-doubt and self-disapproval. It involves an ever-growing sense of balance and belonging. Respect, responsibility for self, and feeling good are important values. Self-love means that your well-being matters to yourself unconditionally and in practical terms. The following are some characteristics of self-loving people:
• Self-loving people focus on feeling good.
• Self-loving people allow themselves to be happy and to share this with others.
• Self-loving people tend to treat themselves well.
• They see enjoyment of life as a primary goal most of the time.
• They do not remain in mistreatment by others.
• They are caring towards others. (Because it feels good to do so).
• They put themselves first. Even those they love are a "close second."
• They find a thought that feels good, and practice it.
• They let themselves succeed.
Basic Principles of Self Love
• Who you are is more important than what you are.
• You are valuable. Nothing can change that.
• What you want always matters.
How to Develop and Nurture LoveIncreasing your love of self involves an intention to become more self-loving and then following up this intention with reinforcing actions. An intention involves a conscious decision to be happier and more fulfilled in your own life. You make a new decision to be alive . . . and then accept personal responsibility to make your life a better, more enjoyable experience. It may take considerable effort to pry yourself out of a life that feels less than joyful, but it is entirely possible to have the kind of life you want for yourself. Below are some practical ideas of how to begin expanding your love of self:
• Acknowledge and verbally praise yourself.
• Have fun more often.
• Learn new ways to relax and release tension.
• Practice conscious, deep, full-bodied breathing several times each day.
• Think inspiring thoughts.
• Instead of always focusing on the problem, decide to focus on desired outcomes.
• Fill your life with beauty, such as times of silence, beautiful music, flowers.
• Raise your confidence by taking daily small, achievable actions steps that support your goal.
• Acknowledge your efforts and your successes.
• Reward yourself daily.
• Listen to your intuition and then follow it.
• Let yourself succeed.
• Nurture yourself by imagining desired outcomes to life's situations.
• Offer yourself affection in many, many different ways.
• Choose to think thoughts that bring inner peace (rather than worry).
• Remember and feel gratitude.
Love may be a mystery. The good news is that the art of increasing self-love is not so mysterious. In fact, it is something you can learn through knowledge and practice. Imagine your self-love as a seed inside of you. Even if it is just a tiny, unnourished, seed right now, you have the ability to grow that seed into something spectacular. The growth of your self-love is not going to happen overnight. However, by taking certain actions, your seed will most assuredly grow. Today, make a commitment to yourself to nurture your inner seed of love. Ask yourself, "How can I be more loving to myself today?" Use your imagination and come up with several possibilities. Then, follow through with your thoughts and put them into action. Do this every day, and watch as you begin to create the loving life you deserve.
James Boehm
Oscar Wilde once stated, "To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." Love is a mystery and not easily definable. However, it does have certain characteristics. Self-love is a consuming passion for your own happiness. It is an ongoing choice you make to be glad to alive, here on Earth, in your own body.
Self-love occurs when you decide who you are and what you want is important. It is an inner state of being which develops as you decide it is all right to build a kind, sensuous, and meaningful partnership with your self. Self-love involves deciding to connect with your dreams and then supporting yourself with encouraging thoughts and empowering self-supportive actions.
Defining Self-LoveSelf-love is not so much a feeling as it is a decrease of self-doubt and self-disapproval. It involves an ever-growing sense of balance and belonging. Respect, responsibility for self, and feeling good are important values. Self-love means that your well-being matters to yourself unconditionally and in practical terms. The following are some characteristics of self-loving people:
• Self-loving people focus on feeling good.
• Self-loving people allow themselves to be happy and to share this with others.
• Self-loving people tend to treat themselves well.
• They see enjoyment of life as a primary goal most of the time.
• They do not remain in mistreatment by others.
• They are caring towards others. (Because it feels good to do so).
• They put themselves first. Even those they love are a "close second."
• They find a thought that feels good, and practice it.
• They let themselves succeed.
Basic Principles of Self Love
• Who you are is more important than what you are.
• You are valuable. Nothing can change that.
• What you want always matters.
How to Develop and Nurture LoveIncreasing your love of self involves an intention to become more self-loving and then following up this intention with reinforcing actions. An intention involves a conscious decision to be happier and more fulfilled in your own life. You make a new decision to be alive . . . and then accept personal responsibility to make your life a better, more enjoyable experience. It may take considerable effort to pry yourself out of a life that feels less than joyful, but it is entirely possible to have the kind of life you want for yourself. Below are some practical ideas of how to begin expanding your love of self:
• Acknowledge and verbally praise yourself.
• Have fun more often.
• Learn new ways to relax and release tension.
• Practice conscious, deep, full-bodied breathing several times each day.
• Think inspiring thoughts.
• Instead of always focusing on the problem, decide to focus on desired outcomes.
• Fill your life with beauty, such as times of silence, beautiful music, flowers.
• Raise your confidence by taking daily small, achievable actions steps that support your goal.
• Acknowledge your efforts and your successes.
• Reward yourself daily.
• Listen to your intuition and then follow it.
• Let yourself succeed.
• Nurture yourself by imagining desired outcomes to life's situations.
• Offer yourself affection in many, many different ways.
• Choose to think thoughts that bring inner peace (rather than worry).
• Remember and feel gratitude.
Love may be a mystery. The good news is that the art of increasing self-love is not so mysterious. In fact, it is something you can learn through knowledge and practice. Imagine your self-love as a seed inside of you. Even if it is just a tiny, unnourished, seed right now, you have the ability to grow that seed into something spectacular. The growth of your self-love is not going to happen overnight. However, by taking certain actions, your seed will most assuredly grow. Today, make a commitment to yourself to nurture your inner seed of love. Ask yourself, "How can I be more loving to myself today?" Use your imagination and come up with several possibilities. Then, follow through with your thoughts and put them into action. Do this every day, and watch as you begin to create the loving life you deserve.
James Boehm
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Three Powerful Breakthrough Life Changing Actions
Make these Three Breakthrough Actions part of your life and positive things will begin rapidly coming into your life. These Three Breakthrough Actions will change your life and bring you what you’ve been missing.
Practice these Three Actions and watch what happens.
The First Breakthrough Action.
Let go of your non-love feelings.
Pay attention to what you’re saying, thinking and doing. Watch all the time. Stay awake to what’s happening. Be on the lookout all the time. When you see some non-love thought, you stop it. When you see some non-love feeling, you stop it. When you see you’re taking some non-love action, you stop it.
If what you’re thinking, feeling, saying or doing is negative, end it. Stop it.
If I hand you a red-hot poker you drop it in a split second, right? Non-love feelings, words, thoughts, actions, all those are hot pokers. Drop them. Non-love, not-liking, disapproval, negativity is burning up your life just like a red-hot fireplace poker burns up your hand.Drop the non-love feelings like you would drop a hot poker.
Here’s the test. Is it negative? Then, it’s non-loving and hurting your life. Drop it.
The Second Breakthrough Action.
Hold in mind what you want. Hold in mind means what you keep in your mind. Hold in mind means the thoughts and feelings that occupy your mind all the time.
You get what you hold in mind. Whatever is occupying your mind, your thoughts and your feelings, is what you manifest in the material world. It’s the law of attraction.
Positive attracts positive, negative attracts negative. Love attracts love. Non-love attracts more non-love. Love is the same energy as positive, success, abundance, health, money, peace.
If you hold in mind “I can’t,” you’re right, you can’t. If you hold in mind “I don’t have it,” you’re right, you don’t have it and you aren’t going to have it. You’re holding the wrong thing in mind. You’re holding in mind what you don’t want.
Fake it until you make it. Stop thinking you don’t have it. Hold in your mind only what you want. Prove it to yourself. Make a good effort. What do you have to lose? If I’m right you get to have everything.
If I’m wrong, you’re no worse off. Here is a little hint: If it doesn’t work, it’s because your mind talked you out of doing it. Your mind talked you out of making a decision. Your mind talked you out of being determined and persistent. You (like everyone else on the planet) have spent your entire life collecting non-love feelings.
It’s likely to take some time to get all of them out. However, it’s worth it because, if you work at it, if you do it, it will work. You will notice changes happening the very first week if you are persistent. Hold in mind what you want.
Here’s another hint:
You can easily see what you’re holding in your mind. Watch what you’re saying all the time. Watch what you’re thinking. And, you can see what you’re holding in your mind by paying attention to your feelings.
Now remember, this is not about affirmations. This is not about hanging signs around your house and car. This is about holding in mind what you want. You do that by dropping thoughts, words or feelings which express what you don’t want.
The Third Breakthrough Action.
Make a commitment to be positive and loving, in spite of what’s happening. Decide: “I’m going to be positive and loving in spite of whatever is happening.” Make that your motto.Be positive in spite of what happens. You live your life automatically reacting with emotions you learned as a two-year-old child.
You’re not two years old anymore, but you’re still doing the same thing. End the habit of automatically reacting. It’s just a decision. Something happens that seems to be negative. You react. You leave the present moment and you go off. Does that ever solve anything?
Anger, breaking into hysteria, feeling bad because someone gave you a dirty look? Negative, non-love behavior doesn’t do anything for you except make you more negative and non-loving.
It never solves anything. It never helps anything. I know you see that. I know you agree with me, because you have experienced it yourself many, many times. Make a decision. I am going to be loving and positive in spite of whatever happens.
Remember the hot poker? Begin by letting go of the hot poker called negative, non-loving reactions. Try it. Prove it to yourself. Be positive and loving in spite of whatever happens, whatever is going on, whatever they’re doing or saying. Be positive and loving and watch what happens.
When you’re positive and loving in spite of whatever, you’re moving over to the side of love. Love conquers all. Love transforms. Love is the answer.
Adopt the Three Breakthrough Actions. Practice them. Don’t listen to your mind trying to talk you out of it. You’re in the right place at the right time. Take action. Be loving. Let go of the non-love feelings.
Practice the Three Breakthrough Actions:
1. Let go of your non-love feelings.
2. Hold in mind what you want.
3. Be positive and loving in spite of whatever happens
You will be the happiest and you will have everything. Prove it to yourself. I always thought good luck was something mysterious that happened to people for no good reason. Now I understand.
Now I see that luck is loving yourself. I proved that to myself because I started having great luck. All kinds of things started falling in my lap when I started loving myself and everyone else. Now I live a life of good luck. Uncanny good things are happening for me all the time now. And will for you also.
James Boehm
Practice these Three Actions and watch what happens.
The First Breakthrough Action.
Let go of your non-love feelings.
Pay attention to what you’re saying, thinking and doing. Watch all the time. Stay awake to what’s happening. Be on the lookout all the time. When you see some non-love thought, you stop it. When you see some non-love feeling, you stop it. When you see you’re taking some non-love action, you stop it.
If what you’re thinking, feeling, saying or doing is negative, end it. Stop it.
If I hand you a red-hot poker you drop it in a split second, right? Non-love feelings, words, thoughts, actions, all those are hot pokers. Drop them. Non-love, not-liking, disapproval, negativity is burning up your life just like a red-hot fireplace poker burns up your hand.Drop the non-love feelings like you would drop a hot poker.
Here’s the test. Is it negative? Then, it’s non-loving and hurting your life. Drop it.
The Second Breakthrough Action.
Hold in mind what you want. Hold in mind means what you keep in your mind. Hold in mind means the thoughts and feelings that occupy your mind all the time.
You get what you hold in mind. Whatever is occupying your mind, your thoughts and your feelings, is what you manifest in the material world. It’s the law of attraction.
Positive attracts positive, negative attracts negative. Love attracts love. Non-love attracts more non-love. Love is the same energy as positive, success, abundance, health, money, peace.
If you hold in mind “I can’t,” you’re right, you can’t. If you hold in mind “I don’t have it,” you’re right, you don’t have it and you aren’t going to have it. You’re holding the wrong thing in mind. You’re holding in mind what you don’t want.
Fake it until you make it. Stop thinking you don’t have it. Hold in your mind only what you want. Prove it to yourself. Make a good effort. What do you have to lose? If I’m right you get to have everything.
If I’m wrong, you’re no worse off. Here is a little hint: If it doesn’t work, it’s because your mind talked you out of doing it. Your mind talked you out of making a decision. Your mind talked you out of being determined and persistent. You (like everyone else on the planet) have spent your entire life collecting non-love feelings.
It’s likely to take some time to get all of them out. However, it’s worth it because, if you work at it, if you do it, it will work. You will notice changes happening the very first week if you are persistent. Hold in mind what you want.
Here’s another hint:
You can easily see what you’re holding in your mind. Watch what you’re saying all the time. Watch what you’re thinking. And, you can see what you’re holding in your mind by paying attention to your feelings.
Now remember, this is not about affirmations. This is not about hanging signs around your house and car. This is about holding in mind what you want. You do that by dropping thoughts, words or feelings which express what you don’t want.
The Third Breakthrough Action.
Make a commitment to be positive and loving, in spite of what’s happening. Decide: “I’m going to be positive and loving in spite of whatever is happening.” Make that your motto.Be positive in spite of what happens. You live your life automatically reacting with emotions you learned as a two-year-old child.
You’re not two years old anymore, but you’re still doing the same thing. End the habit of automatically reacting. It’s just a decision. Something happens that seems to be negative. You react. You leave the present moment and you go off. Does that ever solve anything?
Anger, breaking into hysteria, feeling bad because someone gave you a dirty look? Negative, non-love behavior doesn’t do anything for you except make you more negative and non-loving.
It never solves anything. It never helps anything. I know you see that. I know you agree with me, because you have experienced it yourself many, many times. Make a decision. I am going to be loving and positive in spite of whatever happens.
Remember the hot poker? Begin by letting go of the hot poker called negative, non-loving reactions. Try it. Prove it to yourself. Be positive and loving in spite of whatever happens, whatever is going on, whatever they’re doing or saying. Be positive and loving and watch what happens.
When you’re positive and loving in spite of whatever, you’re moving over to the side of love. Love conquers all. Love transforms. Love is the answer.
Adopt the Three Breakthrough Actions. Practice them. Don’t listen to your mind trying to talk you out of it. You’re in the right place at the right time. Take action. Be loving. Let go of the non-love feelings.
Practice the Three Breakthrough Actions:
1. Let go of your non-love feelings.
2. Hold in mind what you want.
3. Be positive and loving in spite of whatever happens
You will be the happiest and you will have everything. Prove it to yourself. I always thought good luck was something mysterious that happened to people for no good reason. Now I understand.
Now I see that luck is loving yourself. I proved that to myself because I started having great luck. All kinds of things started falling in my lap when I started loving myself and everyone else. Now I live a life of good luck. Uncanny good things are happening for me all the time now. And will for you also.
James Boehm
Monday, December 21, 2009
17 Way's To Love Yourself and Build Your Self Esteem
I’ve compiled a list on how to love yourself for readers who are facing difficulty knowing what to do in boosting their own self esteem. When I first began to be aware that I need to love myself first, before I can develop any meaningful relationships with others, I realised that I did not know where to start.
This was a surprise to me then as I would have thought I’d be an expert on love and relationships by then. After all, as I recalled, in my younger days, I’ve spent much time looking for the best spouse or romantic partner. But I soon realised that my search was meant to fill the void or emptiness I had inside. Finding a good relationship with myself seemed to be an even harder task! However, as things turned out, I realised that I failed miserably in my early relationships because I had insufficient or little self love.
If you’ve suffered from low self esteem, then it goes to show that you are lacking in self love. You may even find it difficult to even search your heart for that little bit of love you have for yourself. I dare say that your mind has been so ingrained with self sabotaging thoughts for the longest time, that loving yourself sounds unnatural to you.
However, nothing is going to happen if you do not make a conscious decision. And that includes Attracting Abundance. When you don’t love yourself, you are basically telling the Universe that you are unworthy or undeserving of any love or positive outcomes that have the same vibrational match as love.
Learning to love yourself starts with making a conscious decision, an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. When you do not love yourself and suffer from low self esteem, you can find that it impossible to ever reach the potential that you suspect you have.
“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.”Lucille Ball quotes (American radio and motion-picture actress and comedy star, 1911-1989)
When you make a decision to love yourself, you are really saying that you want to come alive. You accept that you are responsible for the outcomes that you experience in your life and would like yourself to shine from living a fulfilling life.
So if you’ve decided on loving yourself but are as equally stumped on how to love yourself, as I was back then, here are 17 ways which I believe can be helpful:
1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not meant that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself for all your flaws. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)
2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes. If you find that you criticise yourself often, make an effort to stop the self criticism.
“I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ.” — unknown
3. Be Kind And Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows. Make it a habit to praise yourself everyday, while in the front of the mirror. Because of such thoughts, you naturally undertake empowering actions that support your development.
4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It’s not always about winning or having success in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you’ve done your best, even if you have failed to produce tangible results.
Bring Your Dreams to Life!
5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. I can attest to that! Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help in the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then ask the Universe for your desired outcome and let things work out on their own.
Things will come to be, if they are meant to be.
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus quotes (Greek philosopher associated with the Stoics, AD 55-c.135)
6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it. You can also support yourself by visualizing desired outcomes.
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”Benjamin Spock quotes (American Pediatrician and Author, 1903-1998)
7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them. Or if you’ve been carrying around a baggage of emotional hurt because of a childhood trauma, learn to forgive yourself that it is not your fault.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”Lewis B. Smedes quotes
8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are. And as we all know, thoughts can be changed, so that healing and self growth can take place.
9. Grow Spiritually. When you spend time growing spiritually, loving yourself is an automatic thing. You become more peaceful, connected, kind, loving and compassionate. You nurture a mind that grows more beautiful by the day. How to not love yourself in the process?
10. Make Positive Affirmations Everyday. Post affirmations that can help raise your self esteem everyday. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day.
11. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.
Bring Your Dreams to Life!
12. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. —Mark Twain
13. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your sense of Self. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.
14. Relax. You need to give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul.
15. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.
16. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”Jim Rohn quotes (American Speaker and Author. He is famous for motivational audio programs for Business and Life. )
17. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in every thing, you will also see beauty in yourself. Hence, stop to smell the flowers. Notice everything. Feel everything. The pink blush of the flowers in your garden, the greeness of the plains, the whisper of the gentle wind, or the myraid hues of an evening sky.
Here is a good affirmation to read and reflect on…..
“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
James Boehm Every Month A Million and the Daily Dose Of Good
This was a surprise to me then as I would have thought I’d be an expert on love and relationships by then. After all, as I recalled, in my younger days, I’ve spent much time looking for the best spouse or romantic partner. But I soon realised that my search was meant to fill the void or emptiness I had inside. Finding a good relationship with myself seemed to be an even harder task! However, as things turned out, I realised that I failed miserably in my early relationships because I had insufficient or little self love.
If you’ve suffered from low self esteem, then it goes to show that you are lacking in self love. You may even find it difficult to even search your heart for that little bit of love you have for yourself. I dare say that your mind has been so ingrained with self sabotaging thoughts for the longest time, that loving yourself sounds unnatural to you.
However, nothing is going to happen if you do not make a conscious decision. And that includes Attracting Abundance. When you don’t love yourself, you are basically telling the Universe that you are unworthy or undeserving of any love or positive outcomes that have the same vibrational match as love.
Learning to love yourself starts with making a conscious decision, an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. When you do not love yourself and suffer from low self esteem, you can find that it impossible to ever reach the potential that you suspect you have.
“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.”Lucille Ball quotes (American radio and motion-picture actress and comedy star, 1911-1989)
When you make a decision to love yourself, you are really saying that you want to come alive. You accept that you are responsible for the outcomes that you experience in your life and would like yourself to shine from living a fulfilling life.
So if you’ve decided on loving yourself but are as equally stumped on how to love yourself, as I was back then, here are 17 ways which I believe can be helpful:
1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not meant that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself for all your flaws. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)
2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes. If you find that you criticise yourself often, make an effort to stop the self criticism.
“I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ.” — unknown
3. Be Kind And Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows. Make it a habit to praise yourself everyday, while in the front of the mirror. Because of such thoughts, you naturally undertake empowering actions that support your development.
4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It’s not always about winning or having success in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you’ve done your best, even if you have failed to produce tangible results.
Bring Your Dreams to Life!
5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. I can attest to that! Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help in the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then ask the Universe for your desired outcome and let things work out on their own.
Things will come to be, if they are meant to be.
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus quotes (Greek philosopher associated with the Stoics, AD 55-c.135)
6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it. You can also support yourself by visualizing desired outcomes.
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”Benjamin Spock quotes (American Pediatrician and Author, 1903-1998)
7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them. Or if you’ve been carrying around a baggage of emotional hurt because of a childhood trauma, learn to forgive yourself that it is not your fault.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”Lewis B. Smedes quotes
8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are. And as we all know, thoughts can be changed, so that healing and self growth can take place.
9. Grow Spiritually. When you spend time growing spiritually, loving yourself is an automatic thing. You become more peaceful, connected, kind, loving and compassionate. You nurture a mind that grows more beautiful by the day. How to not love yourself in the process?
10. Make Positive Affirmations Everyday. Post affirmations that can help raise your self esteem everyday. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day.
11. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.
Bring Your Dreams to Life!
12. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. —Mark Twain
13. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your sense of Self. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.
14. Relax. You need to give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul.
15. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.
16. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”Jim Rohn quotes (American Speaker and Author. He is famous for motivational audio programs for Business and Life. )
17. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in every thing, you will also see beauty in yourself. Hence, stop to smell the flowers. Notice everything. Feel everything. The pink blush of the flowers in your garden, the greeness of the plains, the whisper of the gentle wind, or the myraid hues of an evening sky.
Here is a good affirmation to read and reflect on…..
“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
James Boehm Every Month A Million and the Daily Dose Of Good
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
How To Love
Love is a strange feeling that can be one of the most amazing in all the world. Sometimes the emotions associated with love are blissful, and there are times when they can really hurt. In the end, love is something most of us, if not all of us, will encounter. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (or even yourself), here is a general guide to loving.
1 Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
2 Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. Realize how they could also love you back just as well.
3 Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
4 Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
5 Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing them.
6 Never stop loving. Even if you have been hurt before you should not stop giving love.
James Boehm Every Month A Million and the Daily Dose Of Good
1 Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
2 Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. Realize how they could also love you back just as well.
3 Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
4 Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
5 Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing them.
6 Never stop loving. Even if you have been hurt before you should not stop giving love.
James Boehm Every Month A Million and the Daily Dose Of Good
Monday, November 23, 2009
Silence your Inner Critic
"We are what we think about all day long." Ralph Waldo Emerson. That is the simplest definition of self-esteem. We have an inner voice that speaks to us consciously and unconsciously all the time. When our inner voice becomes and stays critical, it drags us down until we cannot have adequate love or esteem for ourselves.
"Love is the power which produces love." Erich Fromm. We must love ourselves to be able to love others. We all have to deal with our inner critical voice at some time or another. Here are some excellent ways to bring more love into your life by stopping your inner critic from getting in the way.
Stopping Your Inner Critic
Everyone has an inner critic. Our self-esteem and self image are developed by how we talk to ourselves. All of us have conscious and unconscious memories of all the times we felt bad or wrong – they are part of the unavoidable scars of childhood. This is where the inner critical voice gets started. We also have an inner voice that has our best interest at heart. Listen to the good inner voice. How we respond to our good inner voice determines how we feel. When we don’t listen we feel bad. When we follow its lead with faith that it is guiding us towards what is best for us, we feel good.
How do you stop your inner critic?
Before you can disarm the critic, you have to know him. Secrecy is his greatest strength. So if you can get really good at hearing and identifying his voice, you will have won a major victory. Remember that every time the critic attacks he is doing you real psychological harm. He is further wounding your sense of worth and making it harder to feel competent and happy in the world. You can’t afford what he is doing to you. It’s costing you too much.
Analyze your critical thoughts. As you analyze your critical thoughts, determine what they help you feel or help you avoid feeling; you’ll begin to see a pattern to the attacks. One person may find his critic's primary function is to help him atone for guilt. Someone else may experience a critic whose main effort is to provide achievement motivation. Another person’s critic may help desensitize her to the fear of rejection. Or a critic may harangue you to stay on the straight and narrow path. When you become aware of the theme or themes your critic uses, you are ready to fight back.
Some of the times to catch your inner critic are: when you are feeling depressed or down on yourself, meeting strangers, contact with people you find sexually attractive, situations in which you have made a mistake, situations in which you feel criticized and defensive, situations in which you feel hurt or someone has been angry at you, and conversations with parents or anyone who might be disapproving.
Disarming the critic involves three steps: (1) unmasking his purpose, (2) talking back, and (3) making him useless.
There are few things more effective for winning arguments than to suddenly unmask your opponent’s ulterior motives. A classic example is tobacco company "research" that finds no link between cigarette smoking and heart disease. Since the ulterior motives of the tobacco industry are clear, few people take their arguments seriously. Getting clear about the critic’s function makes everything he says less believable. You know his ulterior motive. No matter how he rants and raves, you’ve exposed his secret agenda and therefore feel less vulnerable to him. Remember that the critic attacks you because his voice is in some way being reinforced. When you are able to identify the role your critic plays in your psychological life, when you are able to call his game, you are beginning to seriously undermine the credibility of his message.
People with very low self-esteem have a more vicious and demoralizing inner critic. Low self-esteem robs you of your confidence. You no longer trust your ability to cope or make decisions. Risks stop being challenging; they’re scary. Since you can’t live up to your own critical voice, you’re also often critical of others. There are several things you can do to diminish your negative inner critic. Research indicates that to change behavior, it is more effective to stop telling yourself negative things than to just tell yourself positive things. It’s not so much the power of positive thinking as it is the power of non-negative thinking. So how do you stop telling yourself negative things? Read and try the following:
1.Hear your inner critic. Catch him in the act. You can’t change anything you don’t know is there. If you’re not paying attention to it, you’re actually reinforcing it. Once you hear your inner critic and know your vulnerable times you can then learn how to "turn off" and disarm it..
2. Talk back and get angry at the inner critic: Here are some examples of how to talk back:
This is poison. Stop it!
These are lies.
These are lies my father told me.
No more put-downs.
Shut up!
Get off my back!
Stop this garbage!
Note: Choose a short statement that helps you feel angry. It’s good to get mad. (use profanity if you feel like it) Mentally scream at the critic so that you can drown him out with your anger and indignation.
3. Try thought stoppage: Tell the critic to stop. Stop ruminating. Get up, move, get a drink of water.
4. Use attention shift: Look outside. Look at people around you. Look at any object nearby and study it intently. Turn worry over to higher power
5. Then tidy up: Put the worry in a shoe box on the top shelf of the closet in your mind and pack it away. Schedule time to worry. Write worries down and schedule time to think them over. When repetitive thoughts occur again say STOP I’ll worry about this at (name a specific time.)
6. Now ask the price: What price have I paid to listen to the critical voice? Make a list of the ways the critic has hurt you in relationships, work and self-esteem. The price may be external or internal.
Now you must replace the inner critic with your positive voice. Use a self compliment or a pre-selected affirmation. Counter the negative talk with positive. Have a routine where you regularly work to boost your self confidence. Carry the affirmations with you in a notebook, journal or on index cards. Take time to review them, particularly when self-doubt is hammering away at you.
Just do it, as the Nike slogan exclaims. I often find the best way to overcome my inner critic is having to do something. My determination overcomes my self-doubts.
If none of the above works for you try putting a rubber band around your wrist and snap it each time your inner critic speaks. Mentally scream "Stop it!" while snapping the rubber band. The sharp stinging sensation breaks the chain of negative thoughts and acts as a punisher so that the critic is less likely to attack in the near future. The important thing is to catch the critic just as he starts. It takes about 21 days to change a habit. Be consistent with this behavior and you will have more love in your life starting with yourself.
There is no quick fix for silencing the inner voice. However, if you determine to take the step to overcome the doubts, that voice can become a faint whisper or silent altogether.
Every Month A Million and the Daily Dose Of Good
"Love is the power which produces love." Erich Fromm. We must love ourselves to be able to love others. We all have to deal with our inner critical voice at some time or another. Here are some excellent ways to bring more love into your life by stopping your inner critic from getting in the way.
Stopping Your Inner Critic
Everyone has an inner critic. Our self-esteem and self image are developed by how we talk to ourselves. All of us have conscious and unconscious memories of all the times we felt bad or wrong – they are part of the unavoidable scars of childhood. This is where the inner critical voice gets started. We also have an inner voice that has our best interest at heart. Listen to the good inner voice. How we respond to our good inner voice determines how we feel. When we don’t listen we feel bad. When we follow its lead with faith that it is guiding us towards what is best for us, we feel good.
How do you stop your inner critic?
Before you can disarm the critic, you have to know him. Secrecy is his greatest strength. So if you can get really good at hearing and identifying his voice, you will have won a major victory. Remember that every time the critic attacks he is doing you real psychological harm. He is further wounding your sense of worth and making it harder to feel competent and happy in the world. You can’t afford what he is doing to you. It’s costing you too much.
Analyze your critical thoughts. As you analyze your critical thoughts, determine what they help you feel or help you avoid feeling; you’ll begin to see a pattern to the attacks. One person may find his critic's primary function is to help him atone for guilt. Someone else may experience a critic whose main effort is to provide achievement motivation. Another person’s critic may help desensitize her to the fear of rejection. Or a critic may harangue you to stay on the straight and narrow path. When you become aware of the theme or themes your critic uses, you are ready to fight back.
Some of the times to catch your inner critic are: when you are feeling depressed or down on yourself, meeting strangers, contact with people you find sexually attractive, situations in which you have made a mistake, situations in which you feel criticized and defensive, situations in which you feel hurt or someone has been angry at you, and conversations with parents or anyone who might be disapproving.
Disarming the critic involves three steps: (1) unmasking his purpose, (2) talking back, and (3) making him useless.
There are few things more effective for winning arguments than to suddenly unmask your opponent’s ulterior motives. A classic example is tobacco company "research" that finds no link between cigarette smoking and heart disease. Since the ulterior motives of the tobacco industry are clear, few people take their arguments seriously. Getting clear about the critic’s function makes everything he says less believable. You know his ulterior motive. No matter how he rants and raves, you’ve exposed his secret agenda and therefore feel less vulnerable to him. Remember that the critic attacks you because his voice is in some way being reinforced. When you are able to identify the role your critic plays in your psychological life, when you are able to call his game, you are beginning to seriously undermine the credibility of his message.
People with very low self-esteem have a more vicious and demoralizing inner critic. Low self-esteem robs you of your confidence. You no longer trust your ability to cope or make decisions. Risks stop being challenging; they’re scary. Since you can’t live up to your own critical voice, you’re also often critical of others. There are several things you can do to diminish your negative inner critic. Research indicates that to change behavior, it is more effective to stop telling yourself negative things than to just tell yourself positive things. It’s not so much the power of positive thinking as it is the power of non-negative thinking. So how do you stop telling yourself negative things? Read and try the following:
1.Hear your inner critic. Catch him in the act. You can’t change anything you don’t know is there. If you’re not paying attention to it, you’re actually reinforcing it. Once you hear your inner critic and know your vulnerable times you can then learn how to "turn off" and disarm it..
2. Talk back and get angry at the inner critic: Here are some examples of how to talk back:
This is poison. Stop it!
These are lies.
These are lies my father told me.
No more put-downs.
Shut up!
Get off my back!
Stop this garbage!
Note: Choose a short statement that helps you feel angry. It’s good to get mad. (use profanity if you feel like it) Mentally scream at the critic so that you can drown him out with your anger and indignation.
3. Try thought stoppage: Tell the critic to stop. Stop ruminating. Get up, move, get a drink of water.
4. Use attention shift: Look outside. Look at people around you. Look at any object nearby and study it intently. Turn worry over to higher power
5. Then tidy up: Put the worry in a shoe box on the top shelf of the closet in your mind and pack it away. Schedule time to worry. Write worries down and schedule time to think them over. When repetitive thoughts occur again say STOP I’ll worry about this at (name a specific time.)
6. Now ask the price: What price have I paid to listen to the critical voice? Make a list of the ways the critic has hurt you in relationships, work and self-esteem. The price may be external or internal.
Now you must replace the inner critic with your positive voice. Use a self compliment or a pre-selected affirmation. Counter the negative talk with positive. Have a routine where you regularly work to boost your self confidence. Carry the affirmations with you in a notebook, journal or on index cards. Take time to review them, particularly when self-doubt is hammering away at you.
Just do it, as the Nike slogan exclaims. I often find the best way to overcome my inner critic is having to do something. My determination overcomes my self-doubts.
If none of the above works for you try putting a rubber band around your wrist and snap it each time your inner critic speaks. Mentally scream "Stop it!" while snapping the rubber band. The sharp stinging sensation breaks the chain of negative thoughts and acts as a punisher so that the critic is less likely to attack in the near future. The important thing is to catch the critic just as he starts. It takes about 21 days to change a habit. Be consistent with this behavior and you will have more love in your life starting with yourself.
There is no quick fix for silencing the inner voice. However, if you determine to take the step to overcome the doubts, that voice can become a faint whisper or silent altogether.
Every Month A Million and the Daily Dose Of Good
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Fill Your Life With Love
The strongest energy and emotion is love. When we fill ourselves with love, we have plenty to share with others. When we share love with others, we realize there is a oneness – an interconnectedness. Once that has taken place, we find that there are no conditions attached. We are not trying to use the word love in manipulation for self gain. True love has no conditions or boundaries! Fill yourself with the feeling of love and watch the universe surround you with love. The more love which you give is the more love you will receive. Love is the most powerful source and gains strength as it is shared.
This is a story I read from Bob Proctor I wanted to share it with you.
Listen carefully: A woman living in downtown Ontario, Canada came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard.
She did not recognize them.
She said “I don’t think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat.”
“Is the man of the house home?” they asked.
“No”, she replied. “He’s out.”
“Then we cannot come in”, they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
“Go tell them I am home and invite them in!”
The woman went out and invited the men in.
“We do not go into a house together,” they replied.
“Why is that?” she asked. One of the old men explained: “His name is Wealth,”he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, “He is Success, and I am Love.”Then he added, “Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home.”
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. “How nice!!” he said.“Since that’s the case, let’s invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!”
His wife disagreed. “My dear, why don’t we invite Success?”Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion:“Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!”
“Let us heed our daughter’s advice,” said the husband to his wife.
“Go out and invite Love to be our guest.”
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men,“Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.”Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him.
Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success:“I only invited Love, why are you coming in?”
The old men replied together: “If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would’ve stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever he goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!”
“Most people don’t have wealth or success in their lives and that’s probably because they don’t know how to love.”
I hope you got something from this. I shared this with you in hopes that it is love you seek.
This is a story I read from Bob Proctor I wanted to share it with you.
Listen carefully: A woman living in downtown Ontario, Canada came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard.
She did not recognize them.
She said “I don’t think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat.”
“Is the man of the house home?” they asked.
“No”, she replied. “He’s out.”
“Then we cannot come in”, they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
“Go tell them I am home and invite them in!”
The woman went out and invited the men in.
“We do not go into a house together,” they replied.
“Why is that?” she asked. One of the old men explained: “His name is Wealth,”he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, “He is Success, and I am Love.”Then he added, “Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home.”
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. “How nice!!” he said.“Since that’s the case, let’s invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!”
His wife disagreed. “My dear, why don’t we invite Success?”Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion:“Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!”
“Let us heed our daughter’s advice,” said the husband to his wife.
“Go out and invite Love to be our guest.”
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men,“Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.”Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him.
Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success:“I only invited Love, why are you coming in?”
The old men replied together: “If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would’ve stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever he goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!”
“Most people don’t have wealth or success in their lives and that’s probably because they don’t know how to love.”
I hope you got something from this. I shared this with you in hopes that it is love you seek.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Are You Landscaping with Love
Today Lori started by sharing a quote: She did change one of the words to make it more appropriate content for the call, the quote is..
Mud in a box, no matter how pretty the paper, or how big the bow…will never be more than mud.
And that quote was by Anthony Craig Darnell…Her Brother
Then she went on to tell us about her Easter ......
Yesterday my Brother and I spent the afternoon with Granny, we planted her a flower bed, now let me say this in our minds it was a flower bed, her birdbath, and 5 roses surrounded by some stones, when we got there we told her “Granny we’re going to build you a flower bed for Easter”…Two hours into the project Granny declared that a miracle had happened in her life, that she woke up this morning with the same old yard but she was going to bed with a rose garden. When love is the landscaper a flower bed, can become a rose garden, the only real miracle that happened yesterday is that Granny was there to see her Rose Garden.
When we finished our project we sat on the porch with Granny to enjoy a glass of tea and admire our handiwork, a friend of my Brothers stopped by and the topic turned to relationships, based on the fact that love turned a flower bed into a rose garden.
My Brother made a very valuable assessment when he said I wish I knew what happened to the days when people brought more to a relationship than their opinion. Anymore it seems like people have nothing more to offer, nothing to give of themselves just their opinion. He said sometimes I want to say when did your opinion become all you feel you have to offer of yourself? Followed by the quote.
Mud in a box, no matter how pretty the paper, or how big the bow…will never be more than mud.
Then he said take my sister for example, by comparison you could say she’s a brown bag of confetti never concerned about the presentation, always concerned about the content, and she never fails to make you feel good about something.
We all had a good laugh, but I really put some thought into this, when comparing the two one is no more valuable than the other, mud and confetti would have to be very similar in actual value, but the effect regardless of the presentation is completely different a box of mud might evoke a “what the??” Response and I can’t imagine that the response would be favorable; where as the brown bag of confetti…would put a smile on anyone’s face. That would kind of be like a party in a bag.
I think it’s important that we ask ourselves are we a box of mud in our relationships or a brown bag of confetti?
Without a doubt communication is the key to effective and lasting change in our relationships. I believe that my Brother is right, not only have we become people, who bring nothing more than our opinions to our relationships, but we are also allowing ourselves to be surrounded by people who bring nothing more than their opinion into our relationship, I believe this happened under the radar because I hadn’t even considered it until now.
Quality conversation which is the basis for good quality relationships is undeniably the biggest challenge we face, too often we are poised with our opinion rather than poised to bring love, compassion and understanding into the relationship…or confetti.
One thing we know for sure is there is only one way to change our relationship with other people, and that is to change ourselves. Changing ourselves is the only thing we can ever do. When I look back on the most explosive disagreements I ever had with my husband or my children, I can see now that they were a direct result of me coming forward with my opinion, I can see how I met with resistance, see I think a lot of times when someone offers their opinion in our minds were thinking that we didn’t ask for it. Which reminds us of that saying if I wanted your opinion I would have asked for it, there is probably a select group of people in our lives that we would actually say this too…most we would not.
So why if we feel that way would we expect anyone to accept our opinions when we throw them out there? We should expect the same result, should we not?
What can we expect to see if we change ourselves, if we replace our opinions with confetti which represents Love, compassion, and understanding, would we meet with less rejection? I believe so.
Change always starts with us; this is true in every aspect of our lives and every aspect of our relationships, not just the areas of our choosing…we change in order to create change.
Making a change in regard to how we approach our relationships is the only way to create the response in others that we desire. We should learn to love our way into conversation rather than opinion our way in.
When given the choice of bringing our opinions to a relationship, a box of mud, or bringing confetti I think we would evoke a more positive response with confetti. It is a choice we make.The bottom line is we all have value and substance to bring to our relationships I think the key to change in our relationships lies in the presentation. Which is what we choose it to be, a beautifully wrapped package of mud, or the brown bag special? Change begins with us, and ends with the manifestation of change in others.
We create quality relationships through our actions first, the pace at which our relationships grow is based on our approach as well, and how often we can remember that we have more, so much more than our opinions to offer.
Mud in a box, no matter how pretty the paper, or how big the bow…will never be more than mud.
And that quote was by Anthony Craig Darnell…Her Brother
Then she went on to tell us about her Easter ......
Yesterday my Brother and I spent the afternoon with Granny, we planted her a flower bed, now let me say this in our minds it was a flower bed, her birdbath, and 5 roses surrounded by some stones, when we got there we told her “Granny we’re going to build you a flower bed for Easter”…Two hours into the project Granny declared that a miracle had happened in her life, that she woke up this morning with the same old yard but she was going to bed with a rose garden. When love is the landscaper a flower bed, can become a rose garden, the only real miracle that happened yesterday is that Granny was there to see her Rose Garden.
When we finished our project we sat on the porch with Granny to enjoy a glass of tea and admire our handiwork, a friend of my Brothers stopped by and the topic turned to relationships, based on the fact that love turned a flower bed into a rose garden.
My Brother made a very valuable assessment when he said I wish I knew what happened to the days when people brought more to a relationship than their opinion. Anymore it seems like people have nothing more to offer, nothing to give of themselves just their opinion. He said sometimes I want to say when did your opinion become all you feel you have to offer of yourself? Followed by the quote.
Mud in a box, no matter how pretty the paper, or how big the bow…will never be more than mud.
Then he said take my sister for example, by comparison you could say she’s a brown bag of confetti never concerned about the presentation, always concerned about the content, and she never fails to make you feel good about something.
We all had a good laugh, but I really put some thought into this, when comparing the two one is no more valuable than the other, mud and confetti would have to be very similar in actual value, but the effect regardless of the presentation is completely different a box of mud might evoke a “what the??” Response and I can’t imagine that the response would be favorable; where as the brown bag of confetti…would put a smile on anyone’s face. That would kind of be like a party in a bag.
I think it’s important that we ask ourselves are we a box of mud in our relationships or a brown bag of confetti?
Without a doubt communication is the key to effective and lasting change in our relationships. I believe that my Brother is right, not only have we become people, who bring nothing more than our opinions to our relationships, but we are also allowing ourselves to be surrounded by people who bring nothing more than their opinion into our relationship, I believe this happened under the radar because I hadn’t even considered it until now.
Quality conversation which is the basis for good quality relationships is undeniably the biggest challenge we face, too often we are poised with our opinion rather than poised to bring love, compassion and understanding into the relationship…or confetti.
One thing we know for sure is there is only one way to change our relationship with other people, and that is to change ourselves. Changing ourselves is the only thing we can ever do. When I look back on the most explosive disagreements I ever had with my husband or my children, I can see now that they were a direct result of me coming forward with my opinion, I can see how I met with resistance, see I think a lot of times when someone offers their opinion in our minds were thinking that we didn’t ask for it. Which reminds us of that saying if I wanted your opinion I would have asked for it, there is probably a select group of people in our lives that we would actually say this too…most we would not.
So why if we feel that way would we expect anyone to accept our opinions when we throw them out there? We should expect the same result, should we not?
What can we expect to see if we change ourselves, if we replace our opinions with confetti which represents Love, compassion, and understanding, would we meet with less rejection? I believe so.
Change always starts with us; this is true in every aspect of our lives and every aspect of our relationships, not just the areas of our choosing…we change in order to create change.
Making a change in regard to how we approach our relationships is the only way to create the response in others that we desire. We should learn to love our way into conversation rather than opinion our way in.
When given the choice of bringing our opinions to a relationship, a box of mud, or bringing confetti I think we would evoke a more positive response with confetti. It is a choice we make.The bottom line is we all have value and substance to bring to our relationships I think the key to change in our relationships lies in the presentation. Which is what we choose it to be, a beautifully wrapped package of mud, or the brown bag special? Change begins with us, and ends with the manifestation of change in others.
We create quality relationships through our actions first, the pace at which our relationships grow is based on our approach as well, and how often we can remember that we have more, so much more than our opinions to offer.
Monday, April 6, 2009
How much Love can we stand?
Increasing your capacity for Love…How much love can we stand? You know its funny how we don’t always seek to find more of what’s good for us, what grows us spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Along with Gratitude Love is one of the most acceptable matches to the Universal Law of attraction, an emotion most likely to bring you into alignment with the universe or to create a vibrational match. We all know that when aligned with the Universe we are postured to receive, so creating that alignment is imperative to our success, or ability to receive which are one and the same. Yet we don’t always search for ways to increase or amplify our vibration through love, more often than not we choose to do this through Gratitude, when an abundance of Love is available in every moment, no matter how bad things may get, as long as we are present to receive it.
I don’t think that giving and receiving are things that just happen. I believe that these are occurrences that we create, and we do that through our own actions or through application. One way to receive more of that which will create perfect alignment is to choose a quiet place and focus on your natural breathing rhythm. With each inhale, imagine that you are taking in all the Love of the Universe directly into your own heart. With each exhale imagine sending all that Love directly from your own heart right back to its infinite source… Breath in Love…Breath out Love. If you practice this heart meditation for just a few weeks you will find that not only does your capacity for love grow by leaps and bounds but you are creating a more acceptable state of alignment with the Universe, and with that alignment you are creating the ability to receive. Breathing in is receiving, and breathing out is giving, and we all know that in order to receive we have to give. 2009 is underway and this is a year of great change, I think we all sense that enormous change is going to occur, and I believe that there is also an opportunity for personal and spiritual change as well.
The answer to the question how much love can we stand? Are questions we have to ask ourselves…How much change can we stand? How much can we stand to receive? How much success is enough? And that list goes on and on. Practical application of giving and receiving Love, and creating perfect alignment with the Universe is breathing Love in, and breathing it out…giving and receiving that which in itself is one of the most sought after vibrational matches we can achieve.
I don’t think that giving and receiving are things that just happen. I believe that these are occurrences that we create, and we do that through our own actions or through application. One way to receive more of that which will create perfect alignment is to choose a quiet place and focus on your natural breathing rhythm. With each inhale, imagine that you are taking in all the Love of the Universe directly into your own heart. With each exhale imagine sending all that Love directly from your own heart right back to its infinite source… Breath in Love…Breath out Love. If you practice this heart meditation for just a few weeks you will find that not only does your capacity for love grow by leaps and bounds but you are creating a more acceptable state of alignment with the Universe, and with that alignment you are creating the ability to receive. Breathing in is receiving, and breathing out is giving, and we all know that in order to receive we have to give. 2009 is underway and this is a year of great change, I think we all sense that enormous change is going to occur, and I believe that there is also an opportunity for personal and spiritual change as well.
The answer to the question how much love can we stand? Are questions we have to ask ourselves…How much change can we stand? How much can we stand to receive? How much success is enough? And that list goes on and on. Practical application of giving and receiving Love, and creating perfect alignment with the Universe is breathing Love in, and breathing it out…giving and receiving that which in itself is one of the most sought after vibrational matches we can achieve.
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