Self criticism, why do we do it and how do we stop it?
Self criticism is one of the worst forms of criticism there is. Who else is better at telling you how, fat, and ugly, stupid or incapable you are then YOU? Self criticism is something that lowers our self esteem by confirming beliefs that we hold within our subconscious minds. So how does it work? And how easy is it to change our thoughts patterns so that we can hold positive and encouraging dialogue with ourselves and ultimately change our beliefs? This article aims to answer these questions.
What is self criticism?
Self criticism is the negative internal dialogue that you hold with yourself within your mind. It is the voice that is constantly judging, comparing, abusing and being negative.
How does it work?
Each of us holds a personal belief system which is made up of our values and laws that we use to bounce ideas off to make personal decisions. It is the responsibility of our subconscious mind to communicate with our conscious mind to decide on our behavior, thoughts and feelings.
When you believe something, your mind will actively search out information to support you, even when this belief is negative. This is done by your sub-conscious asking the conscious mind to ‘keep a look out’ for things that will determine the belief as true.
When these belief systems are negative, such as ‘I am fat and unlovable’ our minds become biased and begin to interpret neutral information into supporting evidence. The more information we find to support these beliefs the more we reassure ourselves that we are right. These negative beliefs are also termed limiting beliefs and are limiting because they are not true. They are simply just beliefs.
Where does it come from?
Self criticism can come from early childhood experiences deriving from issues of abandonment, neglect and abuse. However, it is not necessary to have been through childhood trauma to experience low self esteem and forms of self criticism. Some people are naturally harder on themselves such as high achievers and ‘Type A Personalities’. “Type A individuals can be described as impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure about their status, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation” (en.wikipedia.org).
Who can change it?
Fortunately, the power of change to your life lives within your own hands. You have every tool you need to change your life. All you need is an open and willing mind and a bit of time and energy for dedication.
How do we change it?
The key is awareness. A lot of people get stuck in old habits and are totally unaware they are doing the things they do. If you can become aware of when you are verbally beating yourself up you can actively make the choice to stop.
Instead of saying ‘you’re fat and ugly’ try saying ‘you look nice today’. Even if you don’t believe it, your mind will begin to change. Every time it hears something nice about itself, it goes out to support the statement and eventually starts to build a series of self-evidence.
Think of your mind as a friend. You wouldn’t let your best friend judge and abuse you so don’t treat yourself in this way.
Have the relationship with yourself that you would like to have with others, kind, compassionate, considerate and understanding.
A simple Exercise
1. Start be writing down three things you would like to believe about yourself for example I am worthy of true love, I am a beautiful and creative person, I am happy and I deserve happiness.
2. Print this out and put it in places where you will read it often for example stick it on the mirror you get changed in front of, on the fridge, on the toilet door.
3. When you catch yourself being negative, say those three things to yourself five times until the negative dialogue disappears.
4. Do this every time you hear your self put you down until you no longer talk to yourself in a negative way.
Simple daily exercises can change the way you think. When you are being positive you force your perception of the world and your internal beliefs to be positive.
Every Month A Million and the Daily Dose Of Good
Showing posts with label Support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Support. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
How to Design Your Own Life
There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way you want… but you have a better chance of it turning out how you want if you know how to design your own life.
I like the image of an architect designing a building by first laying out the blueprints. Or a writer outlining a book starting with the table of contents. The ability to create from scratch is a powerful feeling. The house emerges from a sheet of drawings. The book takes shape from the imagination of the writer.
Can you really design your own life in much the same way the architect designs a house and the writer designs a book? I don’t know if we can design every aspect of our lives because we have certain fixed and certain variable aspects.
For example, we cannot change our upbringing: the parents, siblings, education, childhood experiences, and all that went on before you came to this awareness of your ability to design your life. All that happened in the past has shaped who you are today, so you will need to start designing your life from this point forward.
And you can have the best laid plans and still have them go wrong, get off track, or encounter obstacles. So since we can’t control the past and we can’t control the future, what can we control if we want to design our own life? Well, we can make a plan today, we can work our plan each day, we can modify our plan as necessary, and we can make the best of what shows up even when it’s not what we want.
I’ve assembled some tools I think every life architect should have in their toolbox as they take on the lifetime project of designing their life. See if these work for you.
1. Blueprint
The blueprint for your life can be like the architect’s house design, the author’s table of contents, or a business plan. You set out certain goals and you map out a plan of actions on how you will get to each one of them. Maybe you start with your ideal career and strategize how you will get from where you are to where you want to be. Then you can design your personal life, intimate relationships, friendships, children, pets, home, hobbies, and whatever else fits in your plan.
2. Focus
After you’ve created your blueprint, and before you take action, you need to get into the right mindset. The power of your thoughts, your positive mindset, your committed focus on your goals and your plan will improve your chances of success in each area you take action in. You must believe in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals. You must become aware of your thoughts and maintain the ones that will support your getting what you want. You must eliminate distractions and focus on the end result.
3. Action
With your plan in place and your mind set on success, you’re ready to take the actions necessary to build your life as you desire it. If you want to change careers, your first action may be to set up interviews with people in that career who you can get guidance from. The next action may be to sign up for classes that will increase your skill level necessary for the career move. And so on. Just keep following the action steps you outlined in your blueprint.
4. Maintenance
Actions need to be monitored regularly to check on your progress. Did the information interviews provide you with all you needed to know or do you need to schedule some more. Are you finding you have enough time to study for the classes you’re taking, or is it a challenge while holding a full time job? Have you taken an internship or entry level position in your new field and now it’s time to ask for a promotion? Keep monitoring your progress toward your goals so you can stay motivated. Celebrate the small successes on your way toward your bigger goals. Each success is one step closer to your ultimate life design.
5. Repairs
Make corrections, adjust for change, re-examine your actions and your goals. As you hit obstacles, find a way around them. Make sure they’re not showing up often to tell you you’re on the wrong course. If that is the case, re-assess your goal to make sure it’s what you really want. Then establish some new actions that will get you back on the path even if it’s a different route.
6. Support
All builders have a team. The architect designs the house, then the contractor steps in and hires plumbers, electricians, framers, etc. As you design your life, your team may include coaches, mentors, teachers, associates, partners, interns, contractors, and whoever else can help you achieve your goals.
As you start working your plan, review it on a regular basis, adjust for changes, and always reward yourself for your progress. With these tools in your toolbox, you’re on your way to designing your own life.
If you enjoyed this article or have anything to add please feel free to leave your comment. Every Month A Million and the Daily Dose Of Good.
I like the image of an architect designing a building by first laying out the blueprints. Or a writer outlining a book starting with the table of contents. The ability to create from scratch is a powerful feeling. The house emerges from a sheet of drawings. The book takes shape from the imagination of the writer.
Can you really design your own life in much the same way the architect designs a house and the writer designs a book? I don’t know if we can design every aspect of our lives because we have certain fixed and certain variable aspects.
For example, we cannot change our upbringing: the parents, siblings, education, childhood experiences, and all that went on before you came to this awareness of your ability to design your life. All that happened in the past has shaped who you are today, so you will need to start designing your life from this point forward.
And you can have the best laid plans and still have them go wrong, get off track, or encounter obstacles. So since we can’t control the past and we can’t control the future, what can we control if we want to design our own life? Well, we can make a plan today, we can work our plan each day, we can modify our plan as necessary, and we can make the best of what shows up even when it’s not what we want.
I’ve assembled some tools I think every life architect should have in their toolbox as they take on the lifetime project of designing their life. See if these work for you.
1. Blueprint
The blueprint for your life can be like the architect’s house design, the author’s table of contents, or a business plan. You set out certain goals and you map out a plan of actions on how you will get to each one of them. Maybe you start with your ideal career and strategize how you will get from where you are to where you want to be. Then you can design your personal life, intimate relationships, friendships, children, pets, home, hobbies, and whatever else fits in your plan.
2. Focus
After you’ve created your blueprint, and before you take action, you need to get into the right mindset. The power of your thoughts, your positive mindset, your committed focus on your goals and your plan will improve your chances of success in each area you take action in. You must believe in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals. You must become aware of your thoughts and maintain the ones that will support your getting what you want. You must eliminate distractions and focus on the end result.
3. Action
With your plan in place and your mind set on success, you’re ready to take the actions necessary to build your life as you desire it. If you want to change careers, your first action may be to set up interviews with people in that career who you can get guidance from. The next action may be to sign up for classes that will increase your skill level necessary for the career move. And so on. Just keep following the action steps you outlined in your blueprint.
4. Maintenance
Actions need to be monitored regularly to check on your progress. Did the information interviews provide you with all you needed to know or do you need to schedule some more. Are you finding you have enough time to study for the classes you’re taking, or is it a challenge while holding a full time job? Have you taken an internship or entry level position in your new field and now it’s time to ask for a promotion? Keep monitoring your progress toward your goals so you can stay motivated. Celebrate the small successes on your way toward your bigger goals. Each success is one step closer to your ultimate life design.
5. Repairs
Make corrections, adjust for change, re-examine your actions and your goals. As you hit obstacles, find a way around them. Make sure they’re not showing up often to tell you you’re on the wrong course. If that is the case, re-assess your goal to make sure it’s what you really want. Then establish some new actions that will get you back on the path even if it’s a different route.
6. Support
All builders have a team. The architect designs the house, then the contractor steps in and hires plumbers, electricians, framers, etc. As you design your life, your team may include coaches, mentors, teachers, associates, partners, interns, contractors, and whoever else can help you achieve your goals.
As you start working your plan, review it on a regular basis, adjust for changes, and always reward yourself for your progress. With these tools in your toolbox, you’re on your way to designing your own life.
If you enjoyed this article or have anything to add please feel free to leave your comment. Every Month A Million and the Daily Dose Of Good.
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